Complete independence from the child is not needed

Such moments are necessary: they concentrate with extraordinary force that universal high experience of good and evil, which makes parenthood akin to citizenship. But sometimes I see parents who do not know how to find a decent way out of these difficult experiences. Their love for the child is an endless and inexhaustible fear for him: he will fall, get sick, be upset, be offended, you never know... This fear dictates the desire to protect, to warn, to protect from everything imaginable and unthinkable, to "spread straw everywhere". Love becomes, in essence, a captivity that limits the space of life and the possibilities of the child. Some children actively protest against it, others passively resign themselves. But in any case, such enveloping love creates the prerequisites for increased dependence of the child on his parents and the formation of a neurotic predisposition, which for the time being is hidden in the mental conflict of a child who loves his parents, but feels the need for self-examination, self-affirmation, self-respect.

This disturbing style of parental love is not indifferent to dads and moms themselves. Before this love, everything else fades and recedes, even the prospects of one's own development, on which the educational capabilities of parents largely depend. The range of interests narrows and — in extreme cases — completely closes on the super-valuable concern for the immediate well-being of the child. Parents themselves fall into a kind of dependence on this. "I understand rationally that nothing terrible will happen," the mother of an eight—year—old patient with neurosis tells me, "I'm not afraid of this, but of my own fear that something bad might happen to him." Her love is completely dissolved in fear, and this is no longer just fear, but fear of fear, and it makes her feel bad. A vicious circle of communication develops, neuroticizing all its participants.

Maybe it's better if the child is on his own, and the parents are on their own? No, of course not. Complete independence from the child is impossible and unnecessary. Entering our lives, children demand from us self-restraint, dedication, and sometimes self-sacrifice. Are we ready for this? Do we think about the fact that the child will not only laugh, but also cry (often at night), not only grow and get stronger, but also get sick, learn not only good words, but also some others.

are they not included in the explanatory dictionaries? Do we foresee that a child will not only decorate, but also complicate our lives? It is not difficult to reduce all these questions to one thing: are we able, in the end, to take care of a child in such a way that it is not a burden to him and us? "It's easier to work two shifts than to spend two hours with him," says one mother. "I've started to do so much now that the old life without a child seems to me just empty and dull idleness," says another. I know their sons well — they are nice and intelligent schoolchildren, however, the first one asked to join the extended day group and visits the second one more often than the other way around.

The point, therefore, is not only how much effort and time we give to the child, but also how we feel about it, how the value of parenthood for us correlates with other life values. I have no doubt at all about the truth of the love of the overwhelming majority of parents for their children. But I can't help but see that some people live with their children, while others, as it were, sacrificially spend themselves on children. And the feeling of spending involuntarily makes you overestimate the contribution to the child's development itself. And therefore, the achieved result seems offensively small: "We are everything to him! And he?" The disappointed hopes of the parents turn into expectation, or even direct demands of the child's constant gratitude for the "sacrifices" made by the parents. Anyway, the emotional contact of the parents with the child is disrupted. There is constant pre-thunderstorm tension in the atmosphere of communication, and the child's soul seems to close and become inaccessible to the elders: even in a complete and outwardly prosperous family, the child suffers from a lack of emotional intimacy with his parents. 1xbet is legal in Bangladesh - The company allows users to open new accounts and play online for real money. In addition, they have an international license from Curacao, which proves that they operate in compliance at a legal level. Exclusive 1xBet Bangladesh sport bonus 130% up to 15,600 BDT get use 1xbet promo code bangladesh , you get a free bet from the bookie. Your free bet will be provided in the 1xbet bonus code. With this promo code, you can be sure you're getting the best possible welcome bonus offered by 1xBet. Currently, there is no no-deposit bonus available for the 1xBet sports section.